I was about eating my lunch when I heard a kn0ck on my door Quietly, I tiptoed to drop the food in the kitchen I don't know why it's always when I'm about to eat that someone would be knocking "Yes, who's there?!" I asked as I opened the door It's a good friend who came to say hi. I wondered why he'd come by this exact time. And today of all days We argued about politics and football. But as he's about the national grid that just c0llapsed, his phone rang "We're about going," the caller said and dropped the call Patoo: (stands up in a hurry) I need to catch up with someone right away. It's very urgent and important.. Ojay: (stands up to see him off) Sorry, l didn't offer y0u anything. l'm about eating sha, but since you're in a haste, maybe some other time.. Patoo: (stops suddenly) I'm only literary in a haste, but not really in a hurry. Ojay: (surprised) I don't understand. 'Literary' and 'Really'? Patoo: (walking towards the kitchen) You won't understand... Ojay: But you're hurrying to leave? Patoo: No oo, I only wanted to check the weather. You know we're in rainy season... And rain this period's just unpredictable Ojay: Are you entering my kitchen? But you're about leaving? Patoo: (carrying the tray of food) Yeah, I want to leave my current house to a new one. Whenever it rains, my current compound gets waterlogged. Ojay: (silently staring at Patoo as he sits down, with the tray of food on his laps) Patoo: You're standing there staring at me. Won't you go and collect your own spoon, let's eat this food. Not tomorrow now, you would say you wanted to serve me food and l r£j£ct£d it... Ojay: .... Patoo: This one you're just there looking at me. Maybe you're not húñgry. Abi, you want me to eat and remain for you?? #Ojayandson, October 2024 President, Vawulence Continent

I logged in, on Facebook, this morning, to a chat from Davido My head literally bl£w up A whole 001 said 'hi' to ordinary me? Excitedly, I replied, "Good morning, Sir" Davido: Ojay, how are you doing? Me: I'm fine, you? Davido: Cool mehn. I'm your d!£- hard fan At that instant, I c0llapséd When I regained consciousness, I continued the chat: "I can't believe I'm chatting with the 'one and only' OBO Davido: That's me, bro. You know I live a simple life.. Me: That's true... And you're a great philanthropist too.. Davido: And the latter is just why I'm here.. Actually I'm trying to build a mighty estate for the privileged in every state in Nigeria.. Ne: Wow, that's massive Davido: You can say that again... But my bank is giving me headache right now.. Me: Your bank? Davido: Yeah.. I'm supposed to be in a meeting right now with the President regarding the estate project; but I can't buy flight ticket... My bank network's b@d.. Me: It's a p!ty.. Davido: Could you run me a transfer of #10k? I will triple it for you once the network improves. And from now onward, we shall always keep in touch, so we could h@ng out anytime I come for a show in your state of residence... Excited me replied, "I shall send the money asap" But as I was going through the process of sending the money on my phone, a thought hit me, "How can ordinary #10k keep a whole Davido str@nded when just a few calls to Obi Cubana, Cubana HighPriest and few other millionaire friends would easily raise the money for him. Even his chef wife can easily do it, not my chef Omalicha that only knows how to prepare the god's s@crifiçé... I canceled the transaction, logged back in and typed, " Pls, how sure am I that you're the real Davido? " Davido: Evidence yakpa (I have many evidence). You need one.. Me: Yeah Davido: 100billion for my account oo.. Me: You too do. Na 100billion Davido sing? Davido: What did he sing again?? Me: Are you asking me? Are you not the Davido that sang the song again? Davido: Yeah, I'm. I'm only trying to remix my song.. Me: Just like you intend to remix my #10k.. As he's still typing, I bl0çk£d him... #FullyBack #Ojayandson, September 2024 President, Vawulence Continent

Husband: Babe, how far? Madam don go market? Househelp: Yes Sir Husband: Ok, lemme start coming right away. I will branch and buy some fruits for you so that you'll be looking fresh like fresh garden egg for me. You can go and buy the c0nd0m. That two packets you bought two days ago has finished.. *Thirty minutes later* Husband: Baby, I'm home!! He drew the curtain open and $h0çkiñgly saw his wife sitting inside Immediately, he changed everything. Still smiling, he said to his wife, "Baby, this is what I bought for you" Wife: (smiling too) Wow! Really?! (bringing the different fruits out of the nylon) Apples, oranges, pineapples, water melon, cucumber.. All these for me? Husband: Exclusively for you, my love Wife: (still smiling, seeming too excited) Husband: I know you'd be wondering how I knew you returned from the market? Wife: Yeah, because we didn't speak on phone.. Husband: I was seriously having the feeling.. Aswear. You know what love cannot do does not exist Wife: Awwnn.. Lover man. Sha, here's the c0nd0m you requested for. And for your info, I didn't go to market today.. The husband f@iñt£d #FullyBack #Ojayandson, September 2024 President, Vawulence Continent

SOME FUNNY ABBREVIATIONS 1) OLOSHO: Open Leg Or See Húngér Often 2) OYO: On Your Own 3) NIGERIA: Never Intimidate Garri Even Rice Is Aware 4) FANTA: F00lish Ashawo Never Take Advice 5) LONDON: Ladies Of N0wadays Depend On Naira 6) IBADAN: Ipata B0ys Are D@ngerous At Night 7) PHCN: Power Have Changed Hand 8) NYSC: N0w Your Suff£ring C0ntinues 9) PK: P00r Kîd 10) Best Individual The Company Hired. Now add up the first alphabets #Ojayandson, December 2023 President, Vawulence Continent