***
After a thousand and one plea to get my Dad to teach me how to drive, he finally obliged. It was on a hot sunday evening and before we mounted the wheels, he handed me a list of DOs and DON'Ts I must adhere to.
Topping the list were:
*No wear slippers enter my motor
*Use two legs march brake
*Use two hands hold steering
*No ever press phone for highway
*Keep your eyes for front, no dey look window
*No ever fire speed
*No ever look back
*Abeg no look woman
*If person call you, no answer
*Pray before you begin drive
*Off my motor for hold up
*Nnamdi avoid police
*If you jam person, off motor run. But if them catch you, I no know you.
I glanced through the list in quick succession and heaved a relieving sigh. I couldn't wait to begin.
We walked up to the car and he opened the door, sat on the passenger's seat in front while I occupied the driver's seat. We had a short prayer session and he began introducing the car accessories to me.
"Daddy, make we just start. I sabi them" I voiced intrusively
"You sabi wetin?" He fired back "Oya show me rare mirror?"
I pointed to the windscreen. What followed was a heavy knock on my head.
Another sermon began amidst some stern warnings, then he asked me to start the engine. I did and the engine came to life. A cloud of thick smoke had poured from the exhaust pipe and gathered behind us, and when I had turned to Iook at what it's like, another knock landed on my head.
"No dey look back!!" He yelled at me
After yet another round of orientation, I stepped on the throttle and the car began to crawl. I was so elated. Some of my friends who saw me began to hail me but immediately I turned to stare at them, another knock landed on my head.
"This boy, you no dey ever hear word. You wan get accident? No look person!" Dad warned again
Well, that experience was indeed hellish. I literally earned a knock for driving too fast, earned one for driving too slow, earned another for not horning when I should, earned a lot more for driving right into bumps and potholes. My head began to swell and ache.
Realizing whatever I did would attract a knock, I decided to do as it pleased me. I damned whatever consequence and stepped on the gas. The car tripled in speed and took off on the highway. My dad almost got a heart attack.
"Nnamdi? wetin you dey do!?"
"Nnamdi? march brake!"
"Nnamdi? off my motor!"
I was about to hit the brakes when I sighted some policemen mounting the road, one of them was signaling me to stop but I didn't. I almost ran him over save for his quick response to move out of the way. I was catching fun.
All the while, my dad was overly frightened with sweat pouring down his face like a fountain. After unleashing a dose of heavy knocks on me, he resorted to yelling and pleading, telling me to allow him drop so I can continue alone. I finally hit the brakes and the tyres came screeching on the asphalt concrete before heading for the nearest bush. We finally got stuck in the bush and I killed the engine.
"This is the Nigerian police" A voice yelled behind us "You both are under arrest. Get off the car with your hands on your head as anything you say or do will be used against you in the law court!"
My dad was the first to alight and I followed suit. He began to approach the officers with his hands in the air.
"Officer, I no know this person o" He voiced out in a traumatized tone "Na k!dnap him kidnap me!"
After a thousand and one plea to get my Dad to teach me how to drive, he finally obliged. It was on a hot sunday evening and before we mounted the wheels, he handed me a list of DOs and DON'Ts I must adhere to.
Topping the list were:
*No wear slippers enter my motor
*Use two legs march brake
*Use two hands hold steering
*No ever press phone for highway
*Keep your eyes for front, no dey look window
*No ever fire speed
*No ever look back
*Abeg no look woman
*If person call you, no answer
*Pray before you begin drive
*Off my motor for hold up
*Nnamdi avoid police
*If you jam person, off motor run. But if them catch you, I no know you.
I glanced through the list in quick succession and heaved a relieving sigh. I couldn't wait to begin.
We walked up to the car and he opened the door, sat on the passenger's seat in front while I occupied the driver's seat. We had a short prayer session and he began introducing the car accessories to me.
"Daddy, make we just start. I sabi them" I voiced intrusively
"You sabi wetin?" He fired back "Oya show me rare mirror?"
I pointed to the windscreen. What followed was a heavy knock on my head.
Another sermon began amidst some stern warnings, then he asked me to start the engine. I did and the engine came to life. A cloud of thick smoke had poured from the exhaust pipe and gathered behind us, and when I had turned to Iook at what it's like, another knock landed on my head.
"No dey look back!!" He yelled at me
After yet another round of orientation, I stepped on the throttle and the car began to crawl. I was so elated. Some of my friends who saw me began to hail me but immediately I turned to stare at them, another knock landed on my head.
"This boy, you no dey ever hear word. You wan get accident? No look person!" Dad warned again
Well, that experience was indeed hellish. I literally earned a knock for driving too fast, earned one for driving too slow, earned another for not horning when I should, earned a lot more for driving right into bumps and potholes. My head began to swell and ache.
Realizing whatever I did would attract a knock, I decided to do as it pleased me. I damned whatever consequence and stepped on the gas. The car tripled in speed and took off on the highway. My dad almost got a heart attack.
"Nnamdi? wetin you dey do!?"
"Nnamdi? march brake!"
"Nnamdi? off my motor!"
I was about to hit the brakes when I sighted some policemen mounting the road, one of them was signaling me to stop but I didn't. I almost ran him over save for his quick response to move out of the way. I was catching fun.
All the while, my dad was overly frightened with sweat pouring down his face like a fountain. After unleashing a dose of heavy knocks on me, he resorted to yelling and pleading, telling me to allow him drop so I can continue alone. I finally hit the brakes and the tyres came screeching on the asphalt concrete before heading for the nearest bush. We finally got stuck in the bush and I killed the engine.
"This is the Nigerian police" A voice yelled behind us "You both are under arrest. Get off the car with your hands on your head as anything you say or do will be used against you in the law court!"
My dad was the first to alight and I followed suit. He began to approach the officers with his hands in the air.
"Officer, I no know this person o" He voiced out in a traumatized tone "Na k!dnap him kidnap me!"
***
After a thousand and one plea to get my Dad to teach me how to drive, he finally obliged. It was on a hot sunday evening and before we mounted the wheels, he handed me a list of DOs and DON'Ts I must adhere to.
Topping the list were:
*No wear slippers enter my motor
*Use two legs march brake
*Use two hands hold steering
*No ever press phone for highway
*Keep your eyes for front, no dey look window
*No ever fire speed
*No ever look back
*Abeg no look woman
*If person call you, no answer
*Pray before you begin drive
*Off my motor for hold up
*Nnamdi avoid police
*If you jam person, off motor run. But if them catch you, I no know you.
I glanced through the list in quick succession and heaved a relieving sigh. I couldn't wait to begin.
We walked up to the car and he opened the door, sat on the passenger's seat in front while I occupied the driver's seat. We had a short prayer session and he began introducing the car accessories to me.
"Daddy, make we just start. I sabi them" I voiced intrusively
"You sabi wetin?" He fired back "Oya show me rare mirror?"
I pointed to the windscreen. What followed was a heavy knock on my head.
Another sermon began amidst some stern warnings, then he asked me to start the engine. I did and the engine came to life. A cloud of thick smoke had poured from the exhaust pipe and gathered behind us, and when I had turned to Iook at what it's like, another knock landed on my head.
"No dey look back!!" He yelled at me
After yet another round of orientation, I stepped on the throttle and the car began to crawl. I was so elated. Some of my friends who saw me began to hail me but immediately I turned to stare at them, another knock landed on my head.
"This boy, you no dey ever hear word. You wan get accident? No look person!" Dad warned again
Well, that experience was indeed hellish. I literally earned a knock for driving too fast, earned one for driving too slow, earned another for not horning when I should, earned a lot more for driving right into bumps and potholes. My head began to swell and ache.
Realizing whatever I did would attract a knock, I decided to do as it pleased me. I damned whatever consequence and stepped on the gas. The car tripled in speed and took off on the highway. My dad almost got a heart attack.
"Nnamdi? wetin you dey do!?"
"Nnamdi? march brake!"
"Nnamdi? off my motor!"
I was about to hit the brakes when I sighted some policemen mounting the road, one of them was signaling me to stop but I didn't. I almost ran him over save for his quick response to move out of the way. I was catching fun.
All the while, my dad was overly frightened with sweat pouring down his face like a fountain. After unleashing a dose of heavy knocks on me, he resorted to yelling and pleading, telling me to allow him drop so I can continue alone. I finally hit the brakes and the tyres came screeching on the asphalt concrete before heading for the nearest bush. We finally got stuck in the bush and I killed the engine.
"This is the Nigerian police" A voice yelled behind us "You both are under arrest. Get off the car with your hands on your head as anything you say or do will be used against you in the law court!"
My dad was the first to alight and I followed suit. He began to approach the officers with his hands in the air.
"Officer, I no know this person o" He voiced out in a traumatized tone "Na k!dnap him kidnap me!"
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