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  • Tonight, my aunt's bar was brimming with customers, some drinking while others munched on peppered beef.

    I had come over to help her with the customers because most of her staff had left for the holiday.

    Just by the door of the bar sat a lone man, with 7 empty bottles of Heineken on the table before him.

    I had been serving him since he arrived shortly before 3 p.m., with his last order being ten minutes ago, around 7:15. The man never ordered meat, nor rice, nor the several grilled fish on our menu, just beer, beer, and more beer.

    I was beginning to worry that another sip from his almost-finished bottle would cause his already inflated stomach to burst, when the man called for me. I rushed over from the serving counter to meet him by the door.

    Me: You called me, sir.

    Him: *slurring* Yeeesss, cooome. Come... *pointing to other customers at their own tables*... Are those people or are those chairs or am I just drunk?

    Me: *smiling* Those are people, sir.

    Him: If theeey're people, then give theeem drinks, one bottle for each. If they're just chairs, organize them 'cause more people are coming.

    Me: *smiling cause I've just landed a good one* So, I should give everyone one bottle of drink?

    Him: Yes.

    Me: Okay, sir... *tries to leave but the man pulls me back by my shirt*...

    Him: Do you drinnnk, boyyy?

    Me: Yes, sir, I do. I do.

    Him: Then take a bottle, too. Take five if you want.

    Me: *smiling* Thank you so much, sir. Thank you.

    Him: Don't worry. I'm just happppyy today. Happyyy... *I try to leave but he calls me back again*... Wait, boy, is that a person passing on the road?... *he's pointing outside*...

    Me: Yes, sir.

    Him: Then give him a drink. One for the road... *looks back*... Who's that person behind your counter?

    Me: That's my aunt, sir.

    Him: Give her one bottle, too. One bottle for everyone.

    Me: Okay, sir... *I leave to our counter and begin serving everyone drink, courtesy of the man. Each person I offer a drink turns to the man with thanks blabbing from their oily lips*

    —10:25 p.m.—

    Most of the people in the bar have already left, but the man is still sitting near the door by himself. Since we'll be closing soon, I go over to offer him his bills...

    Me: *handing him the bill* This is your bill, sir.

    Him: *peers at the paper* So all these are the bills of the beers you gave?

    Me: Yes, sir.

    Him: How many did I take from here?

    Me: You took 8 bottles, sir. The remaining 61 bottles are the ones I gave out.

    Him: So, I'm also paying for the drinks you gave out?

    Me: *smiling* Yes, sir.

    Him: Are you stupīd? Why did you give people drinks without collecting money from them?

    Me: *heart starts pounding* But you asked me to give it to them, sir.

    Him: Did I ever say I was going to pay for their drinks, eh? Moreover, must you do what I asked you to do? So, if I ask you to jump into fire now, you'll do it.

    Me: But sir—

    Him: Don't but sir me... *slams some notes on the table*... This is 5 thousand naira for the 8 bottles of beers I drank. You can collect the rest of the money from the people you gave out the drinks to.

    Me:
    Tonight, my aunt's bar was brimming with customers, some drinking while others munched on peppered beef. I had come over to help her with the customers because most of her staff had left for the holiday. Just by the door of the bar sat a lone man, with 7 empty bottles of Heineken on the table before him. I had been serving him since he arrived shortly before 3 p.m., with his last order being ten minutes ago, around 7:15. The man never ordered meat, nor rice, nor the several grilled fish on our menu, just beer, beer, and more beer. I was beginning to worry that another sip from his almost-finished bottle would cause his already inflated stomach to burst, when the man called for me. I rushed over from the serving counter to meet him by the door. Me: You called me, sir. Him: *slurring* Yeeesss, cooome. Come... *pointing to other customers at their own tables*... Are those people or are those chairs or am I just drunk? Me: *smiling* Those are people, sir. Him: If theeey're people, then give theeem drinks, one bottle for each. If they're just chairs, organize them 'cause more people are coming. Me: *smiling cause I've just landed a good one* So, I should give everyone one bottle of drink? Him: Yes. Me: Okay, sir... *tries to leave but the man pulls me back by my shirt*... Him: Do you drinnnk, boyyy? Me: Yes, sir, I do. I do. Him: Then take a bottle, too. Take five if you want. Me: *smiling* Thank you so much, sir. Thank you. Him: Don't worry. I'm just happppyy today. Happyyy... *I try to leave but he calls me back again*... Wait, boy, is that a person passing on the road?... *he's pointing outside*... Me: Yes, sir. Him: Then give him a drink. One for the road... *looks back*... Who's that person behind your counter? Me: That's my aunt, sir. Him: Give her one bottle, too. One bottle for everyone. Me: Okay, sir... *I leave to our counter and begin serving everyone drink, courtesy of the man. Each person I offer a drink turns to the man with thanks blabbing from their oily lips* —10:25 p.m.— Most of the people in the bar have already left, but the man is still sitting near the door by himself. Since we'll be closing soon, I go over to offer him his bills... Me: *handing him the bill* This is your bill, sir. Him: *peers at the paper* So all these are the bills of the beers you gave? Me: Yes, sir. Him: How many did I take from here? Me: You took 8 bottles, sir. The remaining 61 bottles are the ones I gave out. Him: So, I'm also paying for the drinks you gave out? Me: *smiling* Yes, sir. Him: Are you stupīd? Why did you give people drinks without collecting money from them? Me: *heart starts pounding* But you asked me to give it to them, sir. Him: Did I ever say I was going to pay for their drinks, eh? Moreover, must you do what I asked you to do? So, if I ask you to jump into fire now, you'll do it. Me: But sir— Him: Don't but sir me... *slams some notes on the table*... This is 5 thousand naira for the 8 bottles of beers I drank. You can collect the rest of the money from the people you gave out the drinks to. Me:
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  • "Omi ti ma mu koni san ko ja mi"
    The water that I am destined to drink will never flow past me
    What is meant for you will eventually come to you.
    "Omi ti ma mu koni san ko ja mi" The water that I am destined to drink will never flow past me What is meant for you will eventually come to you.
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  • A pę ko to jęun, ki ję ibaję
    Translation: The person that eat late, will not eat spoiled food

    Meaning: It is more profitable to exercise patience while seeking a durable solution, in difficult situations than to hastily accept an ill-conceived/prepared solution.
    A pę ko to jęun, ki ję ibaję Translation: The person that eat late, will not eat spoiled food Meaning: It is more profitable to exercise patience while seeking a durable solution, in difficult situations than to hastily accept an ill-conceived/prepared solution.
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  • *Your husband is speaking on the phone*

    Him: *to the person* It'll be okay. Bye-bye for now... *cuts the call and sighs*...

    You: What's wrong, Honey? I noticed your face changing while you were on the call.

    Him: It's my father.

    You: Your father? What happened to him?

    Him: *sighs again* You know my mom is deād, and there's no one to take care of him in the village since my sisters all live abroad. We, the boys, can't exactly leave our businesses in the city to stay with him in the village.

    You: I'll do it.

    Him: You'll do what?

    You: I'll travel to the village to take care of your father for at least one year.

    Him: *surprised* You'll do that?

    You: Yes, I will. I'm your wife, after all, and your father is also my father. What kind of wife would I be if I don't take care of my husband's aged father?

    Him: *breaks into a smile and starts praising you* Oyo di ya. Her husband's jewel. My heart! You're a good woman, and I'm glad I married you.

    Watching him praise you, knowing you only agreed to take care of his father in the village because you want another taste of the hot fūck his father gave you on your wedding night while your husband was drunk and asleep:
    #danloader
    *Your husband is speaking on the phone* Him: *to the person* It'll be okay. Bye-bye for now... *cuts the call and sighs*... You: What's wrong, Honey? I noticed your face changing while you were on the call. Him: It's my father. You: Your father? What happened to him? Him: *sighs again* You know my mom is deād, and there's no one to take care of him in the village since my sisters all live abroad. We, the boys, can't exactly leave our businesses in the city to stay with him in the village. You: I'll do it. Him: You'll do what? You: I'll travel to the village to take care of your father for at least one year. Him: *surprised* You'll do that? You: Yes, I will. I'm your wife, after all, and your father is also my father. What kind of wife would I be if I don't take care of my husband's aged father? Him: *breaks into a smile and starts praising you* Oyo di ya. Her husband's jewel. My heart! You're a good woman, and I'm glad I married you. Watching him praise you, knowing you only agreed to take care of his father in the village because you want another taste of the hot fūck his father gave you on your wedding night while your husband was drunk and asleep: #danloader
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  • Welcome
    Welcome
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  • Lord, guide me today and help me to make wise decisions
    Lord, guide me today and help me to make wise decisions
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  • Kò sí ęni tí ó ma gùn ęşin tí kò ní ju ìpàkó. Bí kò fę ju ìpàkó, ęşin tí ó ngùn á ję kojū.
    Translation: No one rides a horse without moving his head, voluntarily or involuntarily.

    Meaning: Your status in life dictates your attitude towards your peers
    Kò sí ęni tí ó ma gùn ęşin tí kò ní ju ìpàkó. Bí kò fę ju ìpàkó, ęşin tí ó ngùn á ję kojū. Translation: No one rides a horse without moving his head, voluntarily or involuntarily. Meaning: Your status in life dictates your attitude towards your peers
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  • Him: *breathing heavily* Chai, Baby, I'm happy we finally did it.

    You: *shy* Me, too.

    Him: I didn't know you tasted this sweet oo.

    You: *smiling* You don't mean it?

    Him: I'm serious. This is the hottest sex I've had in my life. I'm still feeling it in my dîck, sef.

    You watching him praise you knowing the thing he's feeling is the first sign of the untreated gonorrhoea you just gave him.
    Him: *breathing heavily* Chai, Baby, I'm happy we finally did it. You: *shy* Me, too. Him: I didn't know you tasted this sweet oo. You: *smiling* You don't mean it? Him: I'm serious. This is the hottest sex I've had in my life. I'm still feeling it in my dîck, sef. You watching him praise you knowing the thing he's feeling is the first sign of the untreated gonorrhoea you just gave him.
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